just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
