he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
