i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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