So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
