Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
