remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
oh god the rape fog is back!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
