R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
