Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
