i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
