Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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