Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
