I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
