Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
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She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
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Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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