Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
