8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
