The maid of honor just puked.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I don't deserve a penis
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
