i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
someone owes me an orgasm
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
pray to the hookup gods
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
