i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
