I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
