someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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