kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Bring me that man meat
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
