I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
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most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Everclear isn't food dammit
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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