i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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