I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
