apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.