you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized