i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
