escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
