my mouth tastes like poor choices
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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