I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
