she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
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Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
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As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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