I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
