i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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