I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
