I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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