Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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