Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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