weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
