Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
