there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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