New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
