We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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