bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
