My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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