Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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