oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
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That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How does it feel to date your dad?
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I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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