oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
