im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
