you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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