Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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