how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
