I hate all girls vehemently.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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