my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
