I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
