I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
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when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
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All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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