ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
