Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
