If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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