my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
