I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
