1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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