You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
