there's paper in my vomit.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
