How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
They have beer where we have blood.
i now understand why vodka
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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