i was born a porn star she said
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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