just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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