my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
