that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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