i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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