We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
