4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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