I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
