Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
